I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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