Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
