ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
