he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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