How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
We were destined to go to rehab together
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
