ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
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rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
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Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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