Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
