i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
