if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
