There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
