I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
