Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
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i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
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You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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