You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
