She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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