Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
