Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
