No awkward lesbian experiences without me
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
