peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
you would pick up someone in the library
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
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