I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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