wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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