I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
