there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
