I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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