Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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