why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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