you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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