Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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