slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
