Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
