i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
