I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
