You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
