I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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