in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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