you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
