I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
