just survived the first fart of the relationship.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize