I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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