I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
