So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
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Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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