Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
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