Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
