So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
