Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
