70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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