boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
