For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
