I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
