im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
