Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
