'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
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