R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
