also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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