3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
