Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
If its not for food we ain't going out.
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