Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
