Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
