I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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