im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
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He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
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no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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