I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
