you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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