can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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