No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
