After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
