i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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