Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
