Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Randomize
