I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
