My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
