I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
please come you make the beer taste better
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Don't tell me you're on acid again
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
