How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
