yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Randomize
