It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
