I'm gonna have a badass scar
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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